Oaks Golf Course

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Golf Jokes and Humor

An avid golfer goes to see a fortune teller to enquire if there are any golf courses in heaven.

"I have good news and bad news" she tells the golfer.

"Whats the good news?" asks the golfer.

"The good news sir is that the courses in heaven are spectacular, without doubt better than anything you have ever seen on earth."

"Whats the bad news then?" he asks.

"You have a tee time at 8:30 tomorrow morning."

A hack golfer spends a day at a plush country club, playing golf & enjoying the luxury of a complimentary caddy.

Being a hack golfer, he plays poorly all day. Round about the 18th hole, he spots a lake off to the left of the fairway. He looks at the caddy and says, "I've played so poorly all day, I think I'm going to go drown myself in that lake."

The caddy looks back at him and says, "I don't think you could keep your head down that long."

Moses and Jesus were playing golf. They came to a hole with a large water hazard in front of the tee box. Moses took out his driver and Jesus took out his 1 iron. Moses said, "Hadn't you better use a driver?".

Jesus replied, "No, that's O.K.", and took a swing which landed the ball in the middle of the water. Moses parted the water and Jesus walked over and picked up his ball so He could drive it again.

Jesus kept his 1 iron, so Moses again asked, "Shouldn't you use a driver?" Jesus replied, "No, that's O.K.", and proceeded to drive the ball into the water once more. Moses again parted the water so Jesus could retrieve his ball.

Jesus went back to the tee box and prepared to swing with the 1 iron again. Moses finally said, "Listen, if you hit that ball into the water again, I'm not going to help you get it." Jesus swung anyway, and the ball went smack into the middle of the water again.

Moses said, "I told you I wasn't going to help you get that ball. If you want it, you will have to get it yourself." So, Jesus walked out onto the water to get His ball. By this time, the next group had caught up with them. When they saw Jesus walking on the water, one of the golfers said, "Who does that guy think He is? Jesus Christ?" Moses replied, "No, He is Jesus Christ. He thinks He's Jack Nicklaus".

A foursome steps up to a tee box one sunny morning. A street runs along the fairway. As one man tees up his shot he notices a funeral procession coming along the road. "Let's take a moment and pause as the procession passes", he tells his buddies.

The procession passes and they continue their round. One of the foursome approaches the man and says, "Why did you do that back there, I've never known you to interrupt a round of golf."

To which the man replies, "I know, but it seemed only right, she was such a good wife".

An elderly gentleman of 65 named George was having trouble seeing his ball after he hit it. His eyesight was getting kind of bad, so he asked the pro at his local golf shop if he knew if there was anything he could do. The pro says "As of matter of fact, I have just the solution for you. Joe, over there at the table is 91 and he has the best eyesight I've ever seen. He can see a ball after it's hit, even up to 400 yards. I guarantee that he can see where your ball goes."

Well, George asks Joe if he would help him watch his ball for a round. After saying yes, George goes to the tee box and hits a great shot, long and and a little to the right. George said "Joe, that really felt great. I think I hit a mile. Did you see where it went?"

Joe answered "Yes." George said "Well, where did it go?"

Joe answered "I don't remember."